6165 Week 5. Strategies to solve my conflict

My husband and I are experiencing the following situation: We have planned to spend the next two or three months in Mexico, which is just perfect because we haven’t been able to spend the holidays with our relatives in Mexico for the last two years.  BUT we haven’t decided to whom we are going to ask to come to our home to check the pipes haven’t frozen, the heater is working, and to pick up and check our mail. Yesterday, we were talking about who the best person would be.

We have Pepe in mind, a friend of us whose wife is in Mexico and he is looking for a new place to move beginning January, which means he could stay living in my house until we come back. If Pepe stays in my home he would pick our mail up every day, let us know if the heater breaks down or he would unfrozen the pipes in case the weather gets bad –these are the three mayor concerns we have regarding our house. One problem with Pepe is that he would not be able to tell us what we have gotten in the mail, because of the little English he has learned. Another problem is if I have to come some when I would not feel comfortable sharing my house with him.

The other person is Claudia, another friend of us who is bilingual but does not live nearby my house. Sincerely, I do not know if Claudia would be willing to drive every single day to my house, pick up and check the mail, make sure the heater is working and check that the pipes haven’t frozen.

While talking with my husband about the pros and cons of Claudia and Pepe, he used to say something like “Pepe/Claudia would be perfect, or maybe not, because… you know?” Every time I heard his “you know?” I felt confused and tried to avoid misunderstandings with my husband by practicing the approach that The third side suggest when preventing a destructing conflict by addressing the tension of not knowing. So I told my husband that I actually didn’t know what he meant when saying “you know?” and asked him to please be clearer.

Keeping in mind “our relationships are defined by the way we manage conflict” (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2012, p. 220), when I shared my points of view I tried to do it in a respectful and cooperative way, by not criticizing what my husband had just said and avoiding words that would sound like I was obligating him to accept what I have said, like the Center for Nonviolent Communication suggests.   

I would like to know the greatly appreciated suggestions that people who are not involved in this situation can have. Thanks in advance! J

References

O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.

The Center for Nonviolent Communication. (n.d.). The center for nonviolent communication. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org/

The Third Side. (n.d.). The third side. Retrieved from http://www.thirdside.org/