Through this observation, I noticed the fundamental roles
the environment and personal disposition play in a conversation (O'Hair & Wiemann,
2012), because the mom I observed to seemed to be more concerned about other things
than to her children. I also learned that children behave in the way they are treated.
I think that if the mom had paid some attention to the boy’s conversation, he
may have eaten his food, and both may have left the place in better conditions.
In addition, the cell phone has become an object that steals more than people’s
attention; it also steals the vital time that families can spend together,
listening to, and learning more from each other.
It is fundamental that children feel they are being listened
and seen, because this is the way we can help them communicate (Laureate
Education, Inc., 2011). In other words, if we give children our attention while
they are talking, they will make the connection that this is the way they have
to be or act when having a conversation with another person. I agree with
Kolbeck (Laureate Education, Inc., 2011) when stating that children communicate
with their body, because in my observation the boy’s faces, frowns, and even
the way he walked, let me know he was upset and maybe not feeling respected by
her mom. In order to make the communication more affirming and effective, I consider
the mom has to place her cell phone away, thus all her attention would be for
her son and the baby girl. In addition, the mom can ask questions to the boy,
in order to build up the boy’s knowledge (Laureate Education, Inc., 2011). Establishing
eye contact while talking is important too, because it let the boy know his mom
is focusing her attention on him (O'Hair & Wiemann, 2012).
I consider the children’s feelings were hurt by the lack of
interest their mom showed to both –the baby girl and the boy, because by not
paying attention to them, she is sending the message that there are other
things that are more important to her than her own children. I try to place
myself in the boy’s situation, realizing that my mom does not listen to the
things I consider important to share with her and this make me feel like I am
not important to her. I think the boy refused to eat because he got upset, due
to his mom’s attitude, and the mom may tell him he is not behaving in a proper
way, but who is going to tell the mom the importance of her listening to her
children? Later in life, maybe the boy is going to behave in a way, in order to
meet his mom’s expectations.
While being with children, I try to pay attention to what
they are sharing with me, because if they are talking to me it is because they
want me to know what they need to say. I try to always look to their eyes,
because this way I can be focus on the child who is talking, and he realizes my
attention is only on him at that moment. From now on, I will make more
questions related to what children are sharing, in order to better know what
they are meaning. Something i have reinforced in myself, is to place the cell
phone away when being with children, because it can be the distractor that
makes me miss information that maybe is/was important for children.
References
Laureate Education,
Inc. (Producer). (2011). Communicating with young children. In Strategies for Working with Diverse Children.
Retrieved from https://class.waldenu.edu/webapps/portal/frameset.jsp?tab_tab_group_id=_2_1&url=%2Fwebapps%2Fblackboard%2Fexecute%2Flauncher%3Ftype%3DCourse%26id%3D_2652530_1%26url%3D
O'Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2012). Real communication:
An introduction. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's.
Caty,
ReplyDeleteI agree that children crave a connection with adults. When adults take time to listen, they can truly connect with children and learn from them. Children also benefit from the interactions because they learn by asking questions. Therefore, it is important to listen when children are speaking.
Caty,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your post. Poor little one, his feelings were hurt as he was trying to share a moment with his mother and was not able to. Children need our full attention, they need to be heard and feel like they are important.
I like how you mention our connection to our children. We are sending messages to them everyday by our actions, words, gestures and so forth. As parents we should be positive role models. Imagine someone yelling all the time, their children will take on this behavior and then some parents ask why is the child so disrespectful. They learn by example.
Too many times, when I was working in a Center, I would see parents putting pacifiers in their 3 year old mouths, not because of culture reasons, but because the parents actually says, this is how they can keep them quiet. Then parents wonder why the children are so thrilled to run to Child care and not leave because they are able to freely explore, be active and socialize. Children are at a stage where they are curious, they are learning about themselves, build their self-worth and self-esteem and if we hush them up, we are leaving a big scar. Children will learn to shut down, afraid to speak up, may develop limited vocabulary, develop behavior problems and so forth. It does not take much of ourselves to spend the time with our children. Just as we want to talk on the phone to tell something new to a friend or someone, your child is just as anxious to speak with you about their exciting day and so forth. Their minds are growing and they have so many questions about themselves and the world. Especially in todays time, our children needs us to be able to listen to them. We don't want them going to the wrong person for attention.